sitting alone waiting for buttcheek to be done with lab .

so damn bored. and i need the toilet !!

so updates of me ? hmm sch started on 3rd and i am still in a holiday mood after 10-11 days ?

well , awkwardness is still kinda awkward but i am sure everything will be back to norm soon

so...CNY is early this year and daddy mummy is gonna spend these days overseas..

this means....EARLY VISITING !!!

yay yay !

agenda for sunday , visit ahgong, ahma then in the early evening , gandaddy and ganmummy  ((:

omg , so bored..

haha, to the point i finally blogged again

and i can see there is a change , hah , showing i have not been here for sometime

kay , i shall go find things to do.

if there is anything to post i will .

byes !

to realise something i did not see

hey yoyo

so so many things on...

haha

tmr i will be at scape and around , do come and catch out the happennings yo.

hhahaa

i am all prepared to go out now , just waiting for my batt to finish charging

i mean slr's batt

haha

yay yay . today date with darling then in the evening meeting my babygirls..

it has been so long since i meet up with those naughty little fun babes

haha

cant wait to start of my day.....

i have been doing dumb things lately

just ytd i left my earpiece in my brother's  bag and now he is off to sch alr :(

another stupid thing happened this morning,

i was checking movie times and i got so excited coz one day was still showing at 12.50pm

being so happy i forgot to check which cinema , then after checking i realise darn, its so far, impossible to watch anymore.

hahaha

next

i am all prepared just waiting when suddenly got some person knock on my door.

weird kid like me freaked out , i went to me mummy room and stayed there for like 3mins plus

damn i need to grow up.

haaha, okay , shal go check on ze batt, cya world.

enjoy your day, shall post something tonight if i wanna..

i promise , honestly deep down.

sealing it now all i need is your trust.

i love you. you wont lose me.

love changes people, it changed me , and it changed you

am i right ?

knowing my love for you exist , knowing from the start yours was there too.

yet am i right to assume that there still is now?

having all this crazy thoughts is going to drive me insane someday.

am i thinking too much or did something happen to hoping to see each other everyday.

just to spend time together alone for a whole day again.

i miss that , i am wanting it.

to have changed , to give in to the other,

to love like never before, are you still here with me.

i want to remind you everyday that i love you , but is everyday a little too much emphasis ?

i miss you just hugging me for a long time , i miss you a lot

you changed and still seem to be changing.

to be able to love.

&ihopethechangeisstillformeandnotanother.

to have the colored thoughts filling in the black and white.

everything is just an outline , a plain b&w picture.

it is how our fantasy adds colors in making it all beautiful and memorable.

the times of me having to wonder about loving or not always starts dull.

using my thoughts, i try coloring whatever i can, making it as beautiful as possible.

after completing the picture and admiring it for a while then colors starts fading,

fading back to the plain dull simple outline.

i start to wonder is it all a one sided fantasy or did ou try coloring this dull picture anytime before or after me.

my mind floods with questions , if the love is mutual , if we are meant to be, if our struggle will be worth it.

dying to figure if you tried coloring this picture in your mind i start probing , and by doing so i fall into the same path once again

making my mistake again and again, knowing you are fustrated at the sorry yet not having a single clue how to make thinggs better.

knowing life is short , knowing that our time together is something tht will nvr be predicted i tell myself i must stop this stupid sinful doing towards you.

hoping so much from you yet having no idea what you are specifically expecting from me.

having so much running in my mind, going crazy as time goes by.

& at the very very very very end , it is back to the picture filled with the basic question and trying to color it to my very best.

"he loves me, he loves me not"

maybe it isnt us, just me .

to be lost, to be missing , to me hoping.

sometimes i wonder are you actually reading all this

or do you even know i have this place of my own and i am hoping you will see something i want to express to you but not knowing how to.

mentioning i miss you without having the reason why is like loving you not knowing the real root of it.

it is just you that makes me have these emotions.

saying all this isnt on purpose but more to saying out whats from within.

after all the high and low temperatures in all everything started being misty.

after taking a wrong step one after another , i dropped down and for a moment gave up picking up.

sitting there i start wondering what am i suppose to do to have you smiling.

to really smile from within

you did before but now i am ruining it all.

i started feeling like i stopped being a reason for your smiles but more towards the cause of your fustration.

yet again i go to slp and wake up everyday trying to figure how is it i can put that smile on your face.

how will i be able to prove my worth.

how am i going to show that this 'us' wasnt a mistake.

not only proving to you but also to myself.

seeing you not smiling as much makes me miss your smiles so much more,

i want to see you so much more hoping to be able to have that smile on you all the time.

gazing into space as i look at you , wondering how nice it is with that smile.

wanting to know you're fine and resulting to my mistake of asking too much.

to prove all i ant to prove to myself

to walk out of this misty path. to see you at the other end with the smile on your face.

to have you lovingly loving once again.

it isnt the real you that i dont like.

i love you for being you , then again there are a few changes that was alr you but you just thought it wasnt.

to let you know how great you are.

to be able to love you every moment of my day.

to know you are safe, to hear you , to see you , to feel you.

darling i really miss you , and as much as you wont believe it , the feeling of love is true.

i dont know how else i could ever show with my fear of expressing it wrong..

i am learning and i hope you see.

to be honest i am really struggling in this path and all i hope for is for you to come into this misty area grab me up and walk me out , with you , holding me tightly, and carrying on the journey.

hey hey yo yo !!

hmm , will blog randomly about my current everyday life, but haha , i am sure it is not gonna make any sense.

so so tired of everything now

i am so hoping for a day tht i can just sleep all day

quizzes all coming up , tuts piling and i am still having problems understanding a lot of terms.

time management for me now is a bitch

i honestly need more then thr 24 hours.

for friends, really neglecting a whole lot.

i am so so sorry babies !!

shall go rush another tut and sleep soon..

sweet dreams ppl .

<3

walking along the long dark corridor, i saw an open door.

as i walked up towards  it , i heard a little girl's call.

'please , someone , please'

as she cried and cried in that dark corner

i stood next to her , observing the situation.

she didnt bother acknowledging my presence and carried on tearing away.

the room she was in was spacious , empty and cold.

the only sound in there was her cries and the echos of her fear.

seeing her feeling all alone , i sat beside her and hugged her tightly.

her fears were so scary even my eyes started getting blury.

i closed my eyes trying to calm down in all that chaos of her fears.

and all of a sudden her cries stopped, the echos fell silent.

i slowly opened my eyes only to realise that little girl i saw was me.

the echos were scary beacause they were my fears

and all this depressed emotions made me unaware of all

it was just me, the dark empty room and the thoughts running in my head.

i am a mess , a real mess.

worst girlf award presented to me !

always saying the wrong thing , always the wrong timing

i am a big screw up huh,

wanting someone to smile so much yet not doing it myself

imma total hypocrite, telling others to cheer up when i myself aint in a right state

know the bliss of feeling that feeling of loving someone and to be loved back ?

there is this guy, he is simply lovely, i love to talk abt him to everyone i know.

i'd love to show my family what a lovely guy i have

but i fear rejection from those around,

my boy, i love him dearly, the thing that is all wrong is i myself

i have been hurting him time and again

i am simply a big big mess

total trouble to him at times

i am just likea kid tht nvr grows up

the one that is the root of all annoyance in your life.

but dying to know that some actions results in smiles

this isnt the first time i made him angry.

but i know clearly it wont be the last

am i really that hopeless ?

am i?

the truth is , deep down, this childish girl here is yearning for reassurance.

i just want it obvious that my boy loves me back

i know he does but i wanna have it bluntly shouted into my face.

i miss the boy tht says iloveyou to me .

i miss the boy that msg or calls me when he is bored,

i miss him so so much , and as i miss him i love him even more,

could someone please let him know.

and let him see that i am sorry i am a dissapointment , i total mess...

imissyou.imissyou.imissyou.imissyou.imissyou.imissyou.imissyou.imissyou.imissyou.imissyou.imissyou.imissyou.imissyou.imissyou.imissyou.imissyou.imissyou.

i am going crazy . crazy.

its just tuesday, why so slow ):

what are you doing now ? how is the temperature there ? eaten ?

i got so many to tell you.

a whole lot to say.

i want you here now , can i ?

here now please ?

i got so many things that needs your opinion, i need your shoulder , i need your listening ears. i need to hear you

hahas, sounds as if i am truely obsessed

but oh wells.

hey hey ! xD

omg, can this two days pass quickly , i really cant wait

why are you so far

hahas

why a different time zone ?

hmm, tdy....went to sch then met xin.

after meeting it was koi then to suntec to meet ting and xiaohei

afterawhile, lunch/dinner at pepperlunch.

then walked for awhile more and off to somerset with xin

walked awhile then home sweet home

pizze for dinner today ((: yummy ...

shall go get water and sleep soon so as to think less...

sweet dreams !! xD